From Me to You

Or possibly from me to myself. Sometimes I wonder why I am writing this blog. I don't think it is very interesting, and the only people who read it are members of my local guild and SnB. I was trying to figure it out today, when I realized. I have kept a journal most of my life, but I could never make it worth reading, even to myself. Until 2001.

Several things happened that year. September 11th is the most obvious, but for me it was only one of a series. A little under two months after 9/11 my grandfather died of the cancer he had been fighting for almost a year. When I was called out of school, I knew it had to be him. He died at midnight that night. I am getting choked up just remembering that awful day of tension and dread.

That was also the beginning of my senior year of high school. Everyone always said they would love to relive their high school years. Personally, with very few exceptions, I hated high school. I was never the same as the others and they let me know that. I did not listen to the same music, wear the same cloths, did not wear makeup at all. I always had a book in my hand, which could be anything from Harry Potter to Stephen King, to Les Miserable. Until my senior year I was always an outcast. That year I actually made a few friends. One of them would, six years later, become my beloved Jon.

That year I started a new journal, and it was interesting. From my feeling of fear and dread after 9/11 to my grief at my papaw's passing. I could not believe he was actually gone until I wrote it down. I then preceded to fall apart on my dad's shoulder.

So that is why I am writing, to see my own fears, doubts and joys laid out before me.

And one of those doubts is why I am writing today. I am sometimes afraid of my own personality. I don't mean I think I am a serial killer or something, but I do have a very obsessive personality. My last boyfriend thought I was a bit of a prude because I never drank much alcohol (which is on of the reason he is now my EX-boyfriend). I never told him it was because I had seen the affects of drinking in my family. My mom's brother lives next door to up, and he is an alcoholic and he is not the only one in my family. And I know I have the possibility in my makeup to become one as well, because I become obsessed with things very easily.

I usually manage to keep it somewhat under control, but my range of interests can change in the blink of an eye. Last week, it was the Harry Potter books and fan fiction. Now it has become the Beatles and their music. My interests pogos around like a yo-yo.

The Beatles are actually the worst one. I have always enjoyed their music, so much so that my parents bought me a compilation tape of their songs from 1962-1966. I played it so much it finally literally fell apart. Then, when I was in middle school, the Beatles Anthology can out and I when from a fan to a true Beatlemaniac. However, at the time, my income was limited to what I could talk my parents out of. So I made do with the Anthology on VHS, that old cassette tape, and three CDs. At that time CDs were still about $20.00. I had 'Please Please Me' and the soundtracks to 'A Hard Day's Night' and 'Help'. After a lucky break, I then had the movies themselves when my dad recorded them from TV. Eventually, my interest when to other thing and the movies and CDs gathered dust.

Then, when I was just starting college, I decided to make a cross-stitch baby blanket for a expected nephew. I didn't realize how big it was when I first bought it. While working on that blanket, I often watched TV. Then I can across the old Beatles Anthology VHS. I decided to watch it while cross-stitching and my second Beatles obsession was born. With one slight different this time: I had a job. It was fast-food and very unglamorous, but it supplied me with something lacking before, the money to buy items as I saw fit. I was living with my parents and the only bill I had was my car insurance.

I think that is what kick-started the whole thing off. Before, I had been satisfied with the little I had because I had no choice but to be, but now I could get what I wanted when I wanted. Within a month I had almost every Beatles CD except 'Magic Mystery Tour' and 'Abbey Road'. I had books, DVDs (including an expanded version of the Anthology), and even T-shirts and posters.

Still, my extreme interest in the Beatles waned, and my eye passed to other things. But now it is back. I was fooling around on YouTube and came across the old Beatles cartoon show, made back in the late '60s and it has started a new Beatles obsession. Yesterday, I burned all my Beatles CDs onto my computer, and today, synced them onto my MP3 player.

Still, the Beatles are better than alcohol; the CDs last longer and don't leave you hung over. I could be obsessed with worse things. Plus, I am somewhat happered by the fact that once again I have no money, this time because it is all going to bills. Ah, the joys of living on your own! With Christmas and my birthday coming up soon, I just might finish my collection.